Pitter Patter

Right now I'm sitting here listening to the rain. The constant stream of pitter patter on my fire escape seems unending. It's been raining for hours and it's so dreary outside that I don't want to leave my nice warm apartment. Now that Thanksgiving has come and past Christmas and the encrouching New Year are on the horizon. I can't believe how quickly another year has come and past. I can't help but wonder what have I really accomplished this year. On each and every day did I wake up and do something trully productive. Or I am perhaps waking up everyday and going to a dead end job and allowing someone else to make money off the fruits of my labor. This year I just turned 31 and how much have I really trully accomplished since the ten years since I've turned 21. Over the last couple of years how many nights have I drowned away in an alcohol induced daze only to wake up the next day with a pounding hangover. How many nights have I wasted on bad dates that were going to nowhere. Heck most of them were with men that I didn't even want to kiss at the end of the night. Isn't the New York single life supposed to be filled with fun nights with the endless flow of alcohol that you don't have to pay for and good cheap hot sex with men you'll never see again. Anytime I've tried have great hot cheap sex something has gone horribly wrong. Maybe perhaps it's not for me. I guess it's just I've been by myself for so long now I'm just not sure I'm ready to give up my independence. But I really do want to start a family. Maybe I just haven't met the right person and when I do it will be easy for me to give some of my independence up.