The Dilemma

One day while cleaning some old stuff from my parents' house I found this. It was buried in the bottom of a folder, in box in the basement. One of my teacher's in high school gave me to and at the time it inspired me. I can't believe I let it disappear to the bottom of a box in the basement like that. Maybe if I saw it more often I would become tone deaf to its message. Anyway, even though the paper is worn and smells a little of mildew it still has a deeply profound message. So I figured I would leave it here for prosperity. And more so that I would never lose it again, and be able to look at it whenever I felt necessary.

The Dilemma

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To weep is risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings is to risk rejection
To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing. Has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow. But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love. Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave. Only a person who takes risks is free.

Author Unknown

My Hero

This song makes me think. I think everyone has a hero. Everyone has someone that they admired growing up. Somebody that they wanted to be, to emulate. As we grow up our heroes change, and we don't call them that anymore. Cause that's to kiddie like. We call them mentors, and we look at them with pride. Yeah it's true that in some ways they are different than a "hero". Because sometimes we have to deal with when they do something we don't respect. And our "heroes" as a a child didn't do that. Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, and all of them never did something that we didn't respect. They always did what was just and legal. But real life heroes don't always do everything we respect. A-Rod cheats on his wife with strippers. Look at that wrestler than just killed his wife and kid, then himself. We have Presidents that cheat on their wives in the oval office on their lunch break. Donald Trump while I do respect all he's done, well I'm sure he's done somethings that are just over the law. On the other their probably are a lot of people out there that really respect him for that. Let's look at some of favorite entertainers. Arnold took steroids before his movie career, and then (groan) political career. Billy Joel runs trees over after drinking too much. I could continue for a few more pages but I'm sure you get my point.

There's Gotta Be More

Have you have had a moment in your life, where you feel like you are running in circles? You know like the puppy dog that chases his own tail. Or that kitten that will roll over the place just for a ball of yarn. I know they look totally satisfied, and I bet that they are. But as humans we need more. We crave more, we need more than just the ordinary. Well most of us at least. There are those people that are fine with that. Those people that are alright with sitting from of the couch and eating bon bons. Just watching whatever washed up celebrity wants five more minutes of glory on television. They get up everyday for 30, 40 or 50 years to the same routine and let someone else tell them what to do. If you ask me that's no way to live, there's more to life than that. Maybe I just don't understand how many people really are satisfied with just that.

Maybe Just Maybe,,,

Each day as I walk past...
I hear them whisper sweet nothings...
Every day I yearn more for its caress...
Yearning to touch it...
Feel the smoothness of its embrace...
But alas every time I run to them...
They run away...
I can't help but wonder if it's something...
That I said or did...
To make them run so...
Maybe they are just playing hard to get...
Because when I'm far away...
They towards me...
But as soon as I closer...
They run away...
Maybe one day...
I'll figure out why...
Those beautiful waves...
Run from me like that...
Maybe just maybe...
They are just...
Playing Hard to Get...

My Destination

Here's another band who's songs I've always related to. At least it's a more postive minded song. One of things I've always loved about Boston is that their songs are usually so upbeat. There's something about their songs that inspire me to dream. You know look at that bigger picture, reach a little further. And this is the perfect example of that. After all he's singing about the destination. What do you reach at the end of your dream. Your destination of course. What I love the most about this song is that he's singing about how the destination is right inside. If you think about it, that's pretty inspirational. After all, if you think about all our dreams are inside us. And if we can see our dreams from within, we should be able to see and feel the destination inside. I guess sometimes, it can be hard. What's great is sometimes, if we are lucky there's someone there that can see it, and shows it to us.

Nobody Knows...

I've never been able to figure out why Clapton's songs are so mopey. I guess he's had some really bad luck when it came to love. It's true that he does sometimes sound a little bitter but I still think there's something that we can relate to. Let's face it, anyone that's had a break-up or had feelings for someone that didn't return them can relate. Perhaps upon reflection I could see why he did have challenges in the relationship department. After all, he did have a drug issue, specifically with heroin. And for many years he was in love with his best friend's wife. How could that not mess you up? Talk about a situation that's messed up. Of course, he mentions whiskey why do dudes love to drown their sorrows in whiskey. I guess if you are in love with your best friend's woman, whiskey probably would be easier to talk to. After all, how would you explain to your friend I'm in love with your woman. Maybe on reflection this song makes sense. And I guess it's not a situation where another woman is gonna make it better. That type of thing probably just makes you long for the other woman more. I've never myself been in the situation where I was with one person, but wanted someone else. You probably would just want the other person more, especially if they are right there in front of your face. But you imagine being in place where you are so down and out there's nobody there. That's got to be a pretty painful place to be. Needless to say, I don't envy him.

Take it To the Limit

The sea today is this picture perfect blue. You know the kinda ocean blue that you can stare at all day. It's the perfect color to show off those crisp clean whiteheads. There's something about standing there and staring at the water that makes me want take a long ride on a sailboat. Perhaps be able to dip a toe or two in the water from the edge. I'm not sure why but the middle of the ocean seems like a better place to get views of the beautiful ocean. Maybe it's just because I hear the ocean calling me. Asking me to jump in and feel it's cool sweet embrace. To be honest it's getting harder and harder to resist. Those beautiful crystal whiteheads, look like little diamonds floating on top of the sea. They keep calling asking me to reach for them. To let their sweet shine and sparkle surround me. Sometimes I wonder why I don't just immerse myself in.

Love Lingers...

There's nothing like...
Love's lingering touch...
The way you can feel it...
Down to your soul...
Your very essence...

There's nothing like...
Love's lingering scent...
The way you can smell it...
Long after your lover is gone...
Makes you crave them more...

There's nothing like...
Love's lingering voice...
The way you can hear it...
Long after their gone...
You can still hear their sweet whispers...

Embraceable You...

Today there's a visible haze in the water and along the bottom edges of the sky. You know that summer has arrived when you can see the humidity. There's something unique about the way the haze hangs in the sky right above the water. Maybe it's because the lines between the water and the sky are very blurry. And today you can't see the water or the sky all the way down to the horizon. With how humid it is today, it feels like a great day to go into the water. There's something in the way the water calls to me. In some ways, it sounds like a old fashioned sweet melody. You know the kind that your grandmother would hum to you as a child. I can't quite explain it, but there's something about the water that makes me want to embrace it.

The Long Winding Road

If you think about the path that your life takes, well, it's not straight. It's more like a long winding road. Wasn't that a poem or something, I can't remember right now. Anyway where was I before I got distracted. Life's path isn't straight, there are certain points where the road curves. Sometimes the curves will come out of the middle of nowhere. Have you ever been on a road where a hairpin curves comes out of the middle of nowhere. There was one point where that happened in my life, and it definetly was a major adjustment for me. I probably didn't handle it the best way, but I could have handled it a lot worse too. That's life you just have handle those curves, without driving over the curves. You have to find you way to ride through them. Because on the otherside, is more than likely a road without curves. I think that's the key to life.

Love, Sweet Love

Love...
How do you know...
When it is...
Often I've heard...
It's something that you just know...
But I think there's still the little signals...
When your pulse races...
And you can't breathe right...
It feels like your stomach is in your throat...
But you still won't take it back...
For anything else in the world...
To me that's love...
The most beautiful feeling in the world...
And only when it's true...
Does it last forever...
No one can break the bond...
No matter what...
After all...
Love conquers all...

Early Morning Reflections...

This morning before I started my day chained to a desk, I decided to take a quick walk along the water. I needed to have some lingering moments of freedom to hold onto before I started my day. Doesn't everyone need that? After all what do any of us really have to hold onto, to get us through our days. Isn't the thought that one day we won't have to work all day? At the same time most people don't prepare for those days, don't really do anything to make the day where they don't have to have a boss come faster. I know I shouldn't talk, after all I'm guilty of it myself. But on a positive note, at least I've realized that it's something that I've been doing. Hopefully now that wheels are in motion I can do something to change it. If only there was a way for more people to realize that aren't prepared to fire their boss, but could.

Now that I've gotten completely sidetracked in this blog, let me go back to describing my walk. I was walking in the back of the campus, you know in the back by the bay. It's one of my new favorite spots to enjoy. Anyway I was walking back there, and I saw a couple of my friends the swans, taking an early morning nap on the beach. I don't quite understand why they were coming here more when it was a lot colder. After all, I find it a lot more enjoyable this time of year. I'm not sure why, but I find there's something very peaceful and graceful about the swans. Something about their elaborate refined beauty impresses me. Maybe it's because they didn't start off that way, but somehow someway developed their beauty with age. Perhaps it's something I can relate to. After all I feel a lot more beautiful going into my 30th birthday as opposed to my 20th. I know maybe I should learn to embrace it then, because upon reflection I really don't want to go back to 20. It was just such a confusing part of my life. Wow this really was blog that jumped all over the place.

Cause and Effect

Everything in life, has a cause and effect. That's the only thing I remember from physics class. I remember how my teacher showed us how when the object got pushed, it flew over the table. It's kinda funny how that's the only thing I remember from that class. Maybe there's a reason why. Perhaps because it's one of the few things we learned in school, that we can apply to other aspects of our lives. I'm sure you want examples, if you don't I'm still gonna give it to you. Like for example, if you quit that job you hate without thinking about it first you may have trouble paying your bills. If you call your significant other some nasty names, expect that they won't be too pleasant to live with for awhile. That's probably a pretty clear picture. The scariest part is that many people don't think about the effect when they recklessly just do something. Or some people do and they think they will one of the lucky ones that won't have to worry about it. Sorry it doesn't work that way, everything has one. It's one of those laws of nature you just can't avoid. So if you did something without thinking about the repercussions, I only have one thing to say to you good luck. Hopefully the cause was worth effort, and if it wasn't go and make it worth the effort.

Tug of War

Today is one of really nice hazy summer days. You know one of those days where the line between the line between the sea and the sky is blurry. It's also one of those days where the sun is clearly visible even though the clouds are trying to overpower it. And you can feel the warmth of the sun's powerful rays. The water reflects both of them and their ongoing power struggle. In some ways, it is like a silly game of tug of war. If you ask me the clouds will never have a shot of winning. After all they do not have nearly as much power or strength of the clouds. Just think about it, the sun can easily just burn the clouds away with it's heat. Maybe one day the clouds will realize it and just throw in the towel. But the clouds are power hungry and are jealous of the sun's abilities. Therefore, it will always waste it's time trying to beat the sun even though it never can. I can't help but wonder if could find something better do with its time. Maybe I shouldn't think about it, and just laugh at the clouds.

Love the Beauty of it...

Love is beautiful thing...
If you thing about it...
Love surrounds all of us...
It's in a child's laughter...
A flower's beautiful bloom...

Love is a beautiful thing...
It makes each of us...
Brings out out the best of us...
When you surrender yourself...
To all its beautiful glory...

Love is a beautiful thing...
It gives a skip in our step...
Makes our flutter...
And our pulses race...
Gives our stomachs a sommersault...

Love is a beautiful thing...
Like a old jazz tune...
It has a beat you can't resist...
You can't help and take a twirl...
Even if you happen to have two left feet...

All I Wanna Do is Make Love To You

For me, there's always been something about this song. I'm not totally sure why, it's always been that way. This song makes me thing of someone that I want, almost can feel. But for some reason or another, which I won't get into, I can't quite feel their touch. I'm sure that you've felt this about someone at one point or another. You know you have feelings for this person, to feel their sweet caresses, but you just can't. There's this lingering feeling there, that it's not something that, it's something you can't act on. You can't help but wonder what it would be like to make love to them. There's this strong desire to touch them, to hold them and to feel them deep inside you. Yet, at the same time, you know it's something that you can't act on right now. I don't know about you but for me it's one of the most frustrating feelings. Perhaps, I'm gonna have to find a way to justify at least one touch, one kiss some point soon. The only problem is that it will leave me with this lingering feeling of wanting more. But at the same time I don't know if I could take these feelings of frustration, of not being able to feel them, to touch them much longer. Maybe I just wish there was something that would make me throw all caution to the wind and just act on it.

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

There's always something about Monday's that I dislike. I think there's something about Mondays that everyone dislikes. Let's face it, who wants to go back to work. And forced back into the daily grind. I think the reason we love the weekends, goes beyond just not having to go to work, there's a bigger picture there. The weekend is the one time during the week that we can break away from it. We can get away from having to get at the same time, eat the same breakfast, take the same commute, talk to the same people about the same things and sit at the same desk. On the weekends, we choose what time we get up, choose something different for breakfast, choose where we go, and we choose who we talk to. Think what a difference our lives would be if we could do that everyday. Just imagine how much happier some of us would be. How much more control would we have over our own lives? What would you be willing to do to be able to that for yourself? How good would you feel if you could be able to do that for others too?

You May Be Right...

I've always related to this song. I'm not really quite sure what's with me relating to Billy Joel songs. At this point, I haven't decided whether or not it's a good or bad thing. Though there are a lot people that do relate to his songs. For some reason, I feel like the song is about. I know, I know it's a dude. But that doesn't really matter, besides I've always felt I've thought like a dude. Why do I feel it's like me? No I don't want to get a motorcyle, let alone drive one in the rain. But I am the type to crash a party, and then make it a hell of lot more fun. I was only having fun. Wasn't hurting anyone. And yes I know I may walk through Bedford Sty alone. Hey I've walked through Sunset Park at 1 am. Just don't tell my Mom. Have you ever waited for that fucking R train? You wouldn't want me any other way. It just may be lunatic you are looking for. You may be right. Who doesn't love Billy? And who couldn't relate to this song. If you ask me they're pretty boring. Turn out the lights. You may be wrong but you may be right.

Life as a Movie...

If you think about it, life is kinda like a movie. We have characters that come in and out of our lives. Some of them are good, some are inherently evil. Our lives have several, actually many, plot lines. Like there's childhood, junior, high school, college, yadda yadda yadda. Like in a movie we have decisions that we have to make. Whether we should date the blue-eyed hottie in class, if they're the right to marry, our career path, yadda yadda yadda. And like a movie sometimes genres sometimes overlap. When you trip and fall during recess as a child, well that's a comedy. So is when you try to flirt with that cutie at the bar, and everything goes wrong. The drama, well that could just about anything. Your first love, first job, first home, yadda yadda, yadda. Hmmm suspense, well, any car chase scenes, your house blowing up, caught in the middle of a murder investigation. Well, I guess the average person I guess hopefully doesn't have those. Perhaps corporate espionage, or identify theft, both of which are more likely in this day and age. The first after Enron doesn't surprise, and ever seen Boiler Room. That shit really does happen. And identity theft is so easy in this day and age. The other movie genres are a little more difficult. I guess science fiction, would be if you get possessed by a UFO. But to be honest if you believe that you got possessed by one you probably have much bigger problems, not to mention it probably would be a better movie plots. And horror movies, probably not very likely unless you believe in werewolves, ghosts, vampires, and zombies. Though I must admit once or twice I've thought I've seen a ghost.

Love is Powerful

Love is powerful...
It makes you weak...
But enpowers you...
At the same time...
It gives you wings...
When you want to fly...
Gives you a feather pillow...
When you want to sleep...
It gives a massage...
When you have an ache...
Hands you a red rose...
When are feeling a little less than beautiful...
Feeds you chocolate...
When are feeling a little sad and blue...
It makes you soup...
When you are a little under the weather...
There's always a shoulder...
When you need to cry...
It puts a picture in front of your face...
When you have a big dream...
It believes in you...
When you can't quite believe in yourself...
So if you ask me...
What do I believe in the most...
I don't have to think twice...
The answer is love...
Because now that I found it...
I don't want to imagine a world without it...
Not even for a second...

One Way or Another...

I'm a strong believer that I control my own destiny destiny. The fate of my life is in no one's hands but my own. There will never be anyone that decides what happens in my life but me. I've proved it before, and if I have to I will prove it again. I will never allow puppet strings to be attached to my back. So if someone is trying to control my fate, trust me I'll stop them one way or another.

It Glistens

The water calls to me...
The water is glistening...
It is sparkling...
Like little diamonds...
Floating on top of the sea...

The water calls to me...
I hear it beckoning...
Whispering my name...
Over and Over...
Asking me to...
Dip in my toes...

The water calls to me...
Wanting me to feel...
Its sweet embrace...
Its smooth satiny touch...
And embrace it completely...

The water calls to me...
To feel the depth of its emotions...
Full some its void...
Its long arms outstreched...
I share its desires...
Feeling emotions I never knew before...

Only at the Movies...

Have you ever wondered if somehow someway you accidently walked into a movie plot. But not at the beginning, but in the middle. And you were without the script. Somehow you were one of the characters in the movie. After a little while you realized that you didn't like the role you were written in this "suspense thriller". So you decided since you didn't have the script, even though everyone else did, you would do something to change your characters role. So as you've been going along, you've been making up your own lines. And you know you are making sure your character's fate is the way you want to be, the direction you want it to go in. After all that's only fair, because you never agreed to play the role the writers desired in the first place. In the process making the secret evil villain's plans out in the open. What the heck, why not turn suspense to comedy.

Life is Special...

Life is special...
Something to be adored...
Every moment to be cherished...
Because you never know...
When that last moment will be...
It may be morbid...
But it's true...
So relish every moment...
Smell every flower...
Inhale every ocean breeze...
Skip with every step...
Love Life...
And those that surround yours...
Because you never know...
When it will all be gone...

Love is Enpowering

Love is enpowering...
Love sets you free...
Some say it makes them gag...
But that's just jealousy...
Because they've never felt...
True love in all its glory...
Some say that love hurts...
But that's just because...
They've never given their heart...
Enough time to heal...
Some say love is waste...
But I just say that they are the waste...
Because there's nothing greater...
Than having that one true love...
To honor and cherish forever...
No matter what stands in your way...

Wings of Flight...

Today is one of those beautiful early mornings that you wish could last forever. The sun is high in the sky, and is brightly shining. It's spreading its beautiful warmth for all who want to enjoy its bright glow. Before going to my desk this morning I took a quick walk to enjoy the sun's immense beauty. On my walk for the first time in several weeks I saw my friend, the bird with the broken wing. He or she is almost like a symbolic gesture. Whenever I'm having a moment of doubt in my life, I see the bird. It's amazing how whenever I question myself I see that bird. In many ways, he's my hero, because I realize if he still has his spirit to believe in himself, I have no excuses. After all, here's a bird with a broken wing still out there giving it his all. Just imagine what it must be like for him. To know what its like to fly but not to be able to. Can you imagine what that must to do to his spirit? But it's not even a thought in his mind, he just keeps on trucking.

Love Is Like...

Love is like a bird's flight...
Because it makes you feel free...
Like you are soaring in the air...
Feeling the breeze in your hair...
Floating above the sea and the sand...
But nothing can make you feel worse...
Then knowing what it's like to fly...
And there's someone there that clipped your wings...

Love is Great...

Love is great...
It makes you appreciate...
The everyday little things...
Like smelling the daisys...
And those sweet ocean breezes...
It makes you jump out bed...
Sing to yourself while walking down the street...
Maybe give you an skip in your step...
That extra squeak in your voice...
Then there's those butterflies...
How could somebody not...
Love every single minute...
Of being in love...
Falling head over feet...
For that one and only special one...

Musical Waves

I love the lapping of the waves. To me it's like beautiful music. Perhaps a sweet lullaby or love song. Maybe it's a classical composition. Sometimes it can be an upbeat jazz tempo. All I know is that each time I listen to it, it's never the same tune. All day long the tune is constantly changing, and I could sit there and listen all day long. For this reason, I'm enchanted by its very presense. The only thing more beautiful than the water's music, is its appearance. I love the ocean's beautiful blue ripples. And the edges of the waves glisten like little diamonds. More than anything I want to touch it, feel its embrace. But I always find myself waiting for that long awaited perfect moment. Because something so beautiful deserves nothing less. The saddest part is that ocean has no clue about the true beauty that it posseses. Maybe that's just part of its charm. Perhaps it's the reason I love it so much. After all it's humbleness is irresistable.

Somehow We Believe Again

One of the toughest challenges in life sometimes is believing in yourself. I bet you are wondering why do you think that. It's mostly because growing up we are taught not to. We are told that we are dreaming way to high and that we should find dreams within our reach. This frustrates us, makes us believe that there's something wrong with us. That we weren't good enough or strong enough to have what we dream. So eventually we just stop dreaming. On some level we stop believing in ourselves. If we are lucky we find something or someone that encourages us to dream again. And if we are trully lucky we find someone that believes in us when we don't believe in ourselves. There's no more special person in the world. And you should hold to them with all your might. Believe in them when they don't believe in themselves. Together you can dream again. Because then all of sudden you'll have your reason.

Somehow Someway

Lately it seems that my blogs are a lot sappier. And the more I think about it, the less I can explain it. For some reason, it's like something snapped and I became a hopeless romantic. At first I was little but now I like it. In fact, I'm starting to love it. I'm starting to find it endearing that somehow someway I believe in love again.

Blue Wide Seas...

The beautiful ocean blue water it calls to me... I can hear whispering my name... Asking me to jump into its wide arms... To feel it deepth... And to feel the reflection of the sun on its silky surface... But sometimes hard to just jump into the water... Perhaps I could go in one toe at a time... So I will be able to adjust to the water's cool touch... Hopefully I will eventually be able to fully emmerse myself in the ocean waters sweet touch...

Is A Dream Just A Dream?

I think we've all had dreams, that make us question things. Make us ask ourselves if it's a secretly hidden message. A clue to see behind the obvious and look into the bigger picture. To be honest I've never really been one to look deeply into the meaning of dreams. After all isn't a dream, just a dream? I've never really been one to interpret my dreams mostly because usually I can't remember them at all once up. In fact most nights I don't remember dreaming at all. So if I suddenly remember having a lot of dreams. And there's one in particular that I remember pretty vividly, can it perhaps be something more. Perhaps a hint or clue for a mysterious puzzle that I must solve. One that's becoming more like a ticking time bomb with everyday.

Bright Blue Seas...

Today is one of those bright sunny days. One that you picture on postcards and in travel magazines. I've never seen the water here as beautiful as it looks today. It's glistening and sparkling. In some ways it appears as if there are little diamonds floating on top of the water. Like usual I hear it calling to me, reaching for me, and asking me to jump in it's wide embrace. To be honest there are many moments when I would like nothing more than to feel its smooth satiny embrace upon my skin. Maybe feel some of its never ending energy. You can sense it, just by watching the waves move. And by feeling the breeze that it sends through the air. What I love the most about the ocean, is it's desire to share this energy. It never tries to hog it, but instead tries to share it with others. And because of this, each passing day I love the ocean a little more. With each passing moment I'm near it, I crave to touch the ocean more and more.

I heard it Through the Grapevine

I don't know why, but I find it surprising at how many things are found out through the grapevine. If you think about it, take a good hard look at all the things you find out first from the rumor mill. Affairs, corporate take-overs, murders, and other crimes. I'm sure you get the picture. Of course it's not enough for proof of anything, but enough to get you thinking. And of course starting to look at the bigger picture. But you admit this is the part where things tend to get started. For example, in the case of a suspected affair, this is where they would perhaps choose to hire a private investigator. If someone suspects something is awry, if they are a concerned citizen, this is perhaps where they would call the cops and give them a tip. Or perhaps it's nothing more than someone biding their time. Keeping a close eye on things until they can catch them with something real good. Like their hand in the cookie jar.

Have you Ever...

Have you ever...
Looked into a person's eyes...
And felt like you could...
Feel their soul...
Know their heart's desires...
Read their thoughts...
With just one glance...

Have you ever...
Felt someone's presence...
When they weren't there...
Knew if they were happy or sad...
Swore you heard them...
Say something to you...
And you can't help...
But wonder to yourself...
If you were a little nuts...

Something Happened on the Way to Heaven

You know the song, Something happened on the way to heaven. It's kinda funny because it's suddenly stuck in my head. Which is funny because I haven't heard the song in ages. Surprisingly it's not the first time it's happened to me. From time to time, I will suddenly have a song stuck in my head totally out of the blue. Hey if that's the biggest issue I have right now that's a good thing.

The Path of Life

Have you ever noticed that the most important things in life happen when you are not paying attention. For whatever reason your head was elsewhere, perhaps in a fog somewhere. Perhaps you were too busy thinking about what happened yesterday. Or maybe you were daydreaming about tomorrow's possibilities. And because of that, you wind up mindlessly walking down a path. Not really looking at anything along the path. There's not a moment where you think about why you are on this path or where you are headed along it. Now that you are aware you have to decide if you want to keep walking down this path. There's also the option of turning around and going back. Of course, there's also the option of going through the forest and creating a new path. The only problem is that I'm finally aware that I'm on a path. But I'm still not sure where it goes. Or where those other two options lead. I'm not quite sure where I came from, and to be honest I really believe in trying to back to where I came from. So that leaves the other two options. I'm not quite sure where this path leads because I've never been on it before. And the forest, well that can lead anywhere. Right now I'm a little puzzled about what to do. Yes, I can read your mind, no the paths aren't two different men. The two paths have nothing to do with a man. Alright perhaps there is a man there, and I'm not saying whether or not there is. But trust me if there is a man, it's the same one on both paths. Anyway I guess right now I'm confused about which way to go. Perhaps just the way the path of life works.

The Joy Radiating From My Heart

Today is one of those really beautiful mornings, one that makes you want to jump of bed. I love waking up to the brightly shining sun. There's no feeling in the world, like the feeling of the radiating sun. In many ways, the shining sun invigorates and enlightens me. It's a great way to start the day with an extra bounce in your step. I know I should appreciate the sun everyday, but to be honest sometimes I don't. For some reason, I value it more after a day like yesterday when the sun wasn't there to greet me in the morning. Instead I had to face those darn gray gloomy clouds. The clouds have the opposite effect on me as the sun. Under the clouds oppressive influence I feel like not getting up to face the day. Clouds make me want to spend the hold day in bed hiding under a blanket. In some ways it's sad that I look so much more forward to the sun after having to be faced with the clouds. Everyday the sun is there I should love it as much, as I do today. I shouldn't need the clouds to encourage me to love the sun more.

Only One Way...

Love...
Some might say...
Is something to be easily discarded...
Samantha from Sex in the City says that men are like kleenex tissues...
For awhile I wished I could be like that...
But I realized that it wasn't in it for me...
And not what I wanted...
I've realized that I'm meant to be with one person...
And to be with someone that feels the same way too...

Patchwork Quilt....

Our lives are like patchwork quilts...
We all have parts of our lives...
That we section off into little boxes...
The first box is our early childhood....
Next is everyone's favorite Junior High...
Then there's high school...
Followed by college...
I could keep going but I'm sure you get the point...
These little boxes...
Are just like in the patchwork quilt they touch each other...
We try to prevent our life's boxes from overlapping...
On this quest to jump from one box to another...
And leave the last one behind...
But life doesn't work that way...

A Little Mending...

We all say or do things...
That we are not proud of...
And as human nature...
We try our best...
To push the blame on someone else...
What about those of us...
Who aren't ashamed...
But instead are proud...
And wear it like a badge of honor...
Aren't we in those moments a little less human...
Do others respect us a little less...
Does it mean that there is a small or large part of ourselves we need to mend...

Leaving the Nile...

Have you ever had a moment...
That goes snap...
Suddenly you realize the truth...
Perhaps it's more like accepting it...
And you are not quite sure how to react...
Maybe the snap...
Hasn't become a pop yet...
Or perhaps I'm still a little bit...
At a river called the Nile...
Maybe it's because I'm not normally vengeful...
Unless I'm pushed really far...
Then you better watch out...
I may push you over the cliff...
Looney toons style...
Or maybe just maybe I'll prefer...
An anvil and the 1812 Overture...

A Clear Winner

Like I said earlier today was a great match between the sun and the clouds. What I love was that today was one those great come from behind victories. One of those where your favorite team struggles all year just to make to the playoffs. Then somehow, someway they manage to win the World Series. This morning it was like that for the sun. When I woke up the skies were cloudy and gray and it looked like one of those days you'd never see the bright beautiful sun. But slowly the rain stopped, and the sun slowly started to burn away the clouds by peaking through them. At lunchtime I could feel the sun's warmth fighting off the clouds. By the time I stepped out a little earlier this afternoon the sun had shattered the clouds. And this caused me to give more ponderings to my earlier question. Why do I love the bright sun, instead of the dreary clouds. And there's honestly one simple answer. The sun radiates energy, sharing it with me, and giving me a turn shine. In the sun's presence I feel I can achieve more, and I have a more positive outlook. The sun is generous and humble, willing to share its joy with everyone. On the other hand, the clouds are oppressive and hogs all it's power to itself. To me the clouds are arogant because of this. For some reason in the clouds presensce I feel like I could achieve less. I think because it doesn't try to prop me up and instead tries to bring me down. And the bottomline is that the reason I love the sun more is because I love myself more in its presence. And it does with no reason other than to make me happy. That's probably why try to spend as much time with the sun, and avoid the clouds with any cost.

The Book of Love...

Sometimes I wonder...
Is love really that simple...
As the song says...
Because if it really is love...
Wouldn't be that simple...
I know some people say love is complicated...
But isn't that because...
We make that way...
Or do we make it complicated...
Out of fear...
Perhaps on some level...
We feel we don't deserve happiness...
Or maybe we just don't want it bad enough...
Cause I think the only thing that holds us back...
From true happiness...
Is often ourselves...

On the Set...

Have you ever had a moment...
Where you can't quite accept the truth...
Because it seems like a bad movie plot...
You know one of those movies...
Where at about halfway all you can say...
Is what the fuck...
The plot just seems to far-fetched...
For me to keep watching...
But you do anyway...
Because you started watching...
And you think the storyline...
Can't get any worse...
But it then it does...
Just imagine if you were the main character...
Somehow you wound up on the set...
Without reading the script first...
How would you handle that...
Would you walk off the set...
Or would you find a way to fix the plot...
More to your liking...
If you've got balls...
You could just get all the writers fired...
And start the movie from scratch...

All Wound Up...

Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness...
That's what our country was founded upon...
It's what our forefathers stood for...
And sometimes I wonder if we still stand for that...
After all we toss people off the airwaves for speaking their minds...
If you ask me...
The powers that be...
Would love to have a drone army...
That ask no questions...
Why else would we waste time...
Debating whether prayer is cool in school...
Whatever happened to seperation of church and state...
Arguing over whether or not gays should marry...
Whatever happened to love for all...
We debate these things...
And ignore that our kids can't read and write...
Forget about global warming...
Don't give our fiscal debt a second thought...
No I'm not about ready to go into politics...
I'm just concerned citizen...
And wondering what type of world I'm gonna bring my children into...

Just the Way You Are

I love watching the clouds break apart. To me there's nothing more beautiful than a bright and sunny clear sky. Don't get me wrong the clouds have their way, it's just not for me. And I don't deny that the clouds do have their place in the sky. But they shouldn't get so darn cocky. They just don't have as much beauty or strength as the bright shiny sun. No offense but no matter what I'll always prefer to see the sun over the clouds. Maybe I'm biased because I love the sun so much, but to me the sun is just more beautiful in the sky. And to be honest I'm not totally sure why I adore the sun so much. Maybe it has something to do with its humbleness. After all it has all this power but is still willing to share the sky with the clouds. Perhaps it's just that it doesn't realize the full capacity of its strength. It doesn't really matter anyway you slice it. All I know is like the Billy Joel song, I love the sun just way it is. And I hope it doesn't change a thing.

The Ripples of my heart...

As I stand here...
The wind gently blowing through my hair...
I stare at the water...
And I find myself mesmorized by its beauty...
Astonished by its raw neverending energy...
Entranced by by the sound of its waves lapping at the shore...
Staring at its beautiful ripples...
Wondering what it would be like to dip in just a toe...
Wanting to immerse myself in the silky smooth texture of its water...
And I know it wants me to come...
Otherwise why would it reach so far out to me...
Maybe just maybe I should meet it halfway...

True Love...

For a little while...
I stopped believing...
That true love was possible for me...
I believed that true love...
Was for the movies...
Maybe even for other people...
But not for me...
Because the last time...
That I believed in true love...
It didn't turn out so well...
So I starting watching lots of romantic movies...
Smiling at happy couples holding hands walking down the street...
Slowly I started thinking that could be me too...
And shortly I believed in true love again...
That true love is meant for me...
Now I know that there's someone meant for me...
Together we'll be someday soon...
Then our hearts will beat as one...

V is For Victory...

Today was another great day in the battle of the sun versus the clouds. If you ask me it's like watching a really great sport rivalry. Like the Knicks vs the Nets or the Mets vs the Yankees. What I love about today is that my favorite team is going to win. It's gonna be one of those really great come from behind wins. The clouds and the rain gave the sun a good run for the money this morning. But right now you can tell the sun is going to win. The clouds are just starting to break up. And there's one spot behind the clouds where the sun is starting to peak through. My favorite part is that I came outside just in time to see my team, the sun win. You know there's nothing quite like getting to see it first hand. It's totally different when you just hear team won in sports round up or from seeing it the next day on the backpage of the newspaper.

More Than a Feeling

I've always thought this was a really sweet song. I'm not quite sure why. I guess I find something cute about these big hard core rocker dudes singing a ballad like that. A lot of the bands in the 80's did that, and I think it really softened them. That these hard core rockers could still sit there and sing something that showed their softer side. Most men have this obsession with having to be macho. And even make fun of guys that aren't. I love to see a guy that's capable of showing emotions. To me that's a really big turn-on and really sexy. Because lets face it, it's one thing that would set himself apart from other men. It shows how secure he really is if he perfectly fine with expressing his emotions. Only a insecure man would hide how he trully feels behind his machoness. So a man that can go beyond the traditional roles and just be himself and express exactly how he feels is a quality that I find real attractive. In fact the more he's able to express himself the more turned on I get. A man that has no shame in crying in public shows exaclty how secure he is, because he has enough confidence to not care what anyone else thinks. Let's face it he's more likely to be comfortable with who he is. I personally feel like a man who's real macho is hiding something, and doesn't have enough confidence to reveal his true self. If you ask me, a man that's very expressive with his emotions is more of a man. Simply because they don't feel the need to hide their true selves. And the reason that macho men taunt men that aren't that way is out of jealously, because they don't have half as much confidence as that "girly man". So listen to Madonna, Express Yourself. Don't worry about crying, it's actually very sexy.

Love is Special...

Love is special...
It's something to be cherished...
When you find it hold on tight...
Because sometimes it can...
Be like riding a rollar coaster...
And you never can predict...
How quickly that backwards loop...
Is gonna come...
And turn things upside down...
So you better be prepared...
Strap yourself in...
And hold on tight...

Come Monday...

I've always loved this song. I know people always make fun of me for liking Jimmy Buffet, but I don't care. What I love about his songs is that they are so happy go lucky. How can you not smile after listening to Jimmy Buffet? His songs make think about being somewhere else, something about them makes me dream. Think about going off to some island and drink frozen pina coladas or strawberry daiquris. Or at the very least the keys, it must be pretty cool to go and chill in the Keys. I'd love to have a place there right on the beach, with a huge tiki bar. You know it must be so laid back there. At least it seems like it would be to me. Like the type of place where you take a nap in the late afternoon on a hammock. And drink lots of lemonade.

Rain Rain Go Away

There is something about rainy drizzly mornings like today that makes me think. I'm not quite sure why, maybe it has something to do with the way it pitter patters when it hits the ground. It doesn't really matter why, it just does. Kinda like the way that sunshine makes me happy and get excited. In some ways the two have two totally opposite effects on my mentality. If you think about it, it's kinda funny how much something like that effects us. We never really think about how much something little like the weather can effect us.

I Love New York

I love that New York is the city that never sleeps. And I could never imagine living anywhere else. I love that I can take the subway into the city any hour of the day. Or the same thing in reverse. When I take the subway over the bridge the view still takes my breath away the same way it did when I was a child. To me there's no more beautiful time to go over the bridge just after sunset. You know in that twilight hour when you can still see the beauty of the setting sun. But you can also see the beauty of the city's lights. I love that one light in the city is just going to sleep there's another that's just starting to wake up. It's what makes New York really a city constantly in motion, one that never sleeps. And that's exactly what that no matter what you can never take away from it. It's drive, it's spirit is constantly there. And that's exactly what I love about it. Hey where else can you get anything that you want to eat at two am. Or watch a movie on the big screen. The possibilities are endless and that's exactly why I love calling New York City my home.

It's All Relative...

Sometimes being single has it's funny moments. You know where it feels like you might have accidentally walked on the set for a Seinfeld episode. We've all been on dates with people that we're just not into. So we make superficial reasons why we can't date them. Like that their head is too big. Or they have a really annoying voice. It could be a funny walk. Or they have a quirky habit that gets on our nerves. And it's probably something really stupid that shouldn't be that big a deal in the first place. Like that they cracked their knuckles too much on the first date. Whatever the reason we all do it. Then we go and tell our friends. And they laugh when we tell them. But they are secretly thinking that it's superficial. Even though they do the exact same stuff themselves.

Summertime...

I've always loved the summer. Trips to the beach, playing in the park, barbecues, and all that good stuff. I'm not sure why I've always loved the summer so much. Maybe it's because the days are longer and warmer. Perhaps it's because I'm an Indian Summer baby and on some level I'm just trying to hold onto luscious warm summer days. It really doesn't matter why I just do. For some reason I've always wanted to stretch the summers as long as possible.

Life is Beautiful...

Life is beautiful...
Something to be cherished...
Our lives on this planet...
Are precious and short...
We should love every minute of our lives...
Because if you don't...
You are just wasting it...
Life should be loved...
The short time that you have with loved ones should be cherished...
Even if it's just a few fleeting seconds...
Because no matter what...
You can't get that time back after it's gone...
So enjoy it while you can...
And cherish it's memory after it's gone...

A River Runs Through It

Lately I've been writing tons of blogs while at work. I'm not quite sure where the words are coming from. I find that my hands have just started rapidly typing, the words flying off the screen. And I'm not quite sure how, the words just seem to flow quickly like a river's rapids.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm able to find the words. It's funny because I was never able to express my emotions so well before. I've always been one of those people that had trouble expressing their innermost feelings. So needless to say it's quite the happy surprise to suddenly find the words to what's deeply hidden in my heart.

Layers of Ice...

I feel this softness in my heart...
For that special someone...
That melted the layers...
Of ice that I sculptured around my heart...
And I'm not quite sure where or when it happened...
But it did...
Maybe it happened when I first met them...
But I was too distracted to notice...
After all at the time I was so wrapped up in my own little world...
Maybe perhaps it was something that grew over time...
But I know that spark was there all along...
I was just to oblivious to notice...
And that small little spark grew into a fire...
That melted my ice encrusted heart...

Emotional Rescue...

Love is a four letter word...
There was a time when it caused me pain...
I hated it...
Maybe hate is too strong a word...
But I certainly didn't like it...
And now, over time I'm starting to like it again...
Perhaps one day soon I'll be able to adore it...
Because over time I'm no longer feeling a heavy heart...
At one point my heart felt like a hunk of lead in my chest...
Now it is starting to lighten...
Perhaps someday soon it soon...
It will feel like a helium balloon...
What surprises me the most...
Is how easily it has lightened...
All it took was one or two sweet smiles from across the room...
A few glances with a twinkling eye...
The only thing is I didn't realize that these little things...
Were lightening my heart...

Temporary Tattoos...

For some people love comes and goes...
Some are ok with love being something fleeting...
Something two people share like two ships passing during the night...
Or like a temporary tattoo that can be removed after a shower...
But that's just not me...
Love should be something ever lasting...
That's something that lasts...
Like two stars twinkling in the sky...
Don't get me wrong...
I've had loves that weren't ever lasting...
And at least I've learned enough about myself...
To know that temporary tattoo love is not for me...
My next love will be a great love and nothing less...

Melrose Place

So have you ever been in a situation where you wonder if you've gone temporarily insane. Just because things seem to have turned upside down. One of situations if things are what they seem, it proves that sometimes the truth really is stranger than fiction. A situation with so many sub-plots, one that a writer probably couldn't dream up. It seems like one of those suspense movies that people shake their heads afterwards and say that would never happen in real life. Alright maybe it's missing the exciting car chase scenes. But aren't there enough movies with those already. The biggest problem is most people would argue the movie is too far-fetched. And people perhaps would complain that it got dragged out too long, with too many bizarre sub-plots. Perhaps it would be better as a soap opera, one of those primetime ones like Melrose Place, Dynasty, or Dallas. I already have enough material for the first season. Hmmm perhaps I'm onto something, you know make some money from the situation. I could call it Melrose Place II, or perhaps I should come up with a better name than that. Besides if I call it that I probably would have to have a building or two blown up. And that wouldn't be very orginal.

Love is a Many Splendored Thing...

Love is a many splendored thing...
It makes birds sing...
Bees Buzz...
Doves Fly...
Eagles soar...
Cats purr...
I could keep going on...
But I'm sure you get the picture...
Love is wonderful...
It makes you jump out of bed in the morning...
Gives you a spring in your step...
Makes you do silly things...
It makes a woman squeel with delight...
Brings a grown man to his knees...
Gives a small child a reason to smile...
And overall makes this world a better place...

Love Has New Meaning...

Love has new meaning...
When there's someone you care about...
But you can't quite find the words to tell them...
And when you look in their eyes from across the room...
You know immediately they feel the same way...
No words from them are necessary...
Because you know exactly what's on their mind...
All it takes is one glance...
Or maybe one smile...
A simple look for them could make your whole day...
You just wish you could find the right words...
To tell them exactly what's in your heart...
That they give love a whole new meaning...

Waves Are Beautiful...

I love sitting here and watching the waves roll back and forth against the shoreline. There's nothing quite like the beautiful noises that the waves make as they hit the shoreline. It almost sounds like someone singing a sweet lullaby. I wish I could sit here all day and listen. And the beautiful whitecaps, they glisten and sparkle under the sun's bright glow. The sounds of gulls cawing lets me know that summer has arrived spreading its beautiful warmth for all to enjoy. The sky is a little hazy but it sets off the ocean's beautiful deep blue color. This is the perfect spot to sit here and daydream.

All You Need is Love

Since being single again I've learned a lot about myself. I never would have thought I would have thought about love in an innocent eyes view again. Or thought I would have found it in me to believe in real-life heart pounding true love again. For awhile I thought it was only something that I saw in the movies. But it was still something that I wanted more than anything in the world. And slowly I accepted that I could have true love. Somehow, somewhere along the way my bitterness towards love evaporated like steam coming from a tea kettle. Suddenly I believe in love again. I know that there's someone out there that I would be willing to find through the tough times to get to the good ones. Since I wouldn't do it before, I assumed I would never do it. But then I trully accepted all the times I thought I was in love really wasn't true love. And that I really needed to give true love a fair shot. Suddenly, I realized that the Beatles had it right when they said, All you Need is Love. And then I suddenly realized that for the right person I really could live on love.

Bluish Dreams

Today is one of those really beautiful afternoons. The water is sparkling and the sun is shining. I love how the water reflects everything that it comes in contact with. In some ways it's a total and complete emoter. Somehow it manages to have this uncanny ability to understand how other people feel. Then it finds it's own very unique way to express them. I think that's one of the reasons that I love the water so. There's something about it's deep expressiveness that I find unresistable. Nothing I've come in contact with has had that ability, and I find that it's something that makes me swoon. I wish I could stay forever by the ocean, and allow it to mesmorize me. Nothing entices me in the same way as the deep wide sparkling blue ocean waters.

I Know Love is True

I've heard of people that don't believe in true love. And I just wonder why? Maybe I should understand them more, after all there was a period of time where I didn't either. But now that I believe in love again, well, nothing is going stand in my way. Something made me believe in love again. And I'll always be grateful for it. Because what is the point of life without love. You know the knee-knocking kind. For a long time it was all that I wanted, I wanted to be consumed by it. Because I realized I've never had that before, and thought that I did. So I turned my life upside down to go on a quest to find it. And there's nothing that will stop me from finding it. I don't care how many bridges I have to burn.

Emotional Reaches...

Like always the water looks beautiful today. It draws me in, silently calling my name. Somehow it reaches out to me. Trying to get me to grab hold. To feel the depth of its emotional capacity. Showing me emotions I've never felt before. Forcing me to open up in a way that I've never have before. To feel emotions that I didn't know existed. And to expand my horizons. The water makes me dream, to see past my perceived limitations. To see the depth of my abilities. And to reach to the skies or at least where they reach the horizon. The water shows me that my dreams could be limitless, if only I would allow them to be. In some ways I can tell the water wants to help me get there. By surrounding and enveloping me with and allowing me to feel it's emotional capacity, and taking some myself. Because the water has too much emotional capacity and doesn't know how to fill it all. The water wants me to help it fill its deep emotional reaches.

You Know That It's Right

You know it's right...
When you see them smile from across the room...
And you see the glint in their smile...
The sparkle in their eyes...
That lights up the whole room...

You know it's right...
When you touch them...
And electricity radiates through your fingertips...
Shivers run down your spine...
And you ache for the next time you can touch them...

You know it's right...
When you can't wait to hear their voice...
Wanting them to whisper sweet nothings in your ears...
Hear them utter that lovely four letter word...
That you are dying to tell them too...

You know it's right...
When all you want to do is talk about them...
And the cute little things that they do...
And they say...
Hoping that they are doing the same...
Just aching for that one sweet embrace...

Mr Goodbar

They say that your first love is the most powerful. If you've been reading my blogs I'm sure you know who my first love was. It was of course chocolate, and I agree my love for chocolate is very powerful. I've loved Mr. Goodbar for as long as I can remember, and I feel sorry for anyone who comes between me and my first love. I still haven't forgiven my mom for all those times she swiped my stash of Halloween candy. She said it was for my own good, but I think she just wanted to keep it for herself.

So needless to say I understand what they are talking about, when they talk about how powerful a first love is. But I've also heard them say how powerful your last love is. And I think there's lots of truth to that too. After all when you think about it, you watch their body fall apart. And top it off there's not much you can do with them either. If you ask me that takes lots of love. I guess instead of massage oil you use bengay instead. Talk about true love.

Volcano...

Love is all around...
It magnifies...
It grows...
Over time...
It's one of those things...
That once the seed is planted...
There's no stopping it...
In some ways it's like Jack's stalk...
Love is like a volcano...
You can try to stop it from erupting...
And you can even fool yourself...
Like with a dormant volcano...
That nothing is gonna happen...
But just like volcano...
You never know when it's gonna explode...
And pour hot lava all over the place...

Powerful Emotions

There are many very powerful emotions. Greed, revenge, ambition, the list could keep going on. But there's one emotion that's more powerful then all the rest. Maybe you know what I'm referring to. Of course, it's love that I'm referring to. I know there are some people that would argue against me, saying that greed is awfully powerful. But I happen to disagree look at how many things have been created and destroyed all for a great love throughout the course of history. After all why else would there be the expression, all is fair in love and war. There has to be some truth to it. And all I feel I need to prove it, is one example, what actually two. Helen of Troy and Cleopatra. Two very powerful empires were put on their knees, because of a very powerful love. Let's face it nothing can bring man or woman down on their knees in the same way as love. When someone loves somebody on a certain level, at the end of the day nothing will stand in the way. What other emotion can you say that about? I guess you could argue that greed thing, but often they are defeated by someone doing something in the name of love.

Have You Ever Longed...

Have you ever longed...
To hear someone's voice...
Whisper sweet nothings in your ear...
To feel their sweet caresses...
Their sweet lips touch you...

Have you ever longed...
Know what it's like to hold them in your arms...
And feel their arms around you...
So that you could envelop them...
And hold them tight...
Never ever letting go...

Have you ever longed...
To hold their hand...
Or feel their breath on your neck...
To feel their pulse race when you touch them...
Have you ever longed...
Just to lie down next to them...
And Hold them tight...

Have you ever longed...
To feel the depth of their emotions...
The thoughts running across their mind...
Have you ever longed...
To know what they are thinking...
When they smile at you from across the room...

Have you ever longed...
To tell them what you would be willing to do...
For just one precious touch...
Or even better one sweet kiss...
From those sweet precious luscious lips...
Oh what you would do...
For just one moment...
Alone with them...

Think Pink...

Hey I may not exactly be the princess type, but I'm still glad that I have a feminine side. I may not be the type of woman that's into lots of frilly dresses and skirts. Or wear lots of fancy jewelry. And a guy that gives lots of flowers doesn't necessarily make me weak in the knees. But I still love wearing clothes that show off my figure. And I do believe that no woman is complete without sexy underwear. Sometimes I can be hopeless flirt. And yes there's part of me that's a hopeless romantic. That still believes in fairy tales, maybe not the traditional ones. But I'm still the type of woman that believes in true love. I do believe that I have a sexy walk, as each woman should. Let's face it a man can't shake his hips. Yes, I'm proud of my curves, and I love showing them off. No offense, but I question the judgment of men into skinny chicks with no shape. Because the joy of a woman is definitely her curves.